Talia, p. 59

Shara found me in the market, soaked, both body and spirit. Terminus was gone, and Hektor arrested for drunkenness. Nothing was clear. why do I do that to myself? A moment of strength, but at the first sign of failure, I run, back to the shadows, back to the bottle. To try to forget, but it all comes after, just as vivid as before. Well, not all as vivid. I remember the market, but not returning to the inn.

This morning, when I woke, she was still there beside me. How I wish I could have stayed like that forever. I felt safe… more than safe. But she felt me stir and smiled down at me. I don’t know why I pulled away. I think I was afraid it was still a dream. Did she notice, or believe it was the market that called to me? I would not hurt her, I want nothing to hurt her, but if it is only friendship she offers, asking for more could destroy it. And so I ran again, if not in body then in spirit. I ran… from want I feared, from what I desired. Oh gods, I don’t want to lose her, but she is not mine to have…

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