Naradra, pt. 5

What have I become? I have spent days up here, away from the others. The Innkeep kind enough to allow me a room that locks. I sit in solitude, in silent contemplation. After the second day, the others stopped knocking on the door, but I still sense, from time to time, that Terri has been lurking outside. I want to open the door, to see for myself, but I cannot. Not yet.

That day still haunts my dreams, when by a will not my own I struck her down. If that was all, I could cope, but the memory is so vivid. The feeling. What Orius told us did not prepare me for this. He said he watched in horror at the actions of Red Eye, but I… I relished in each blow. Was that the helm? Or was that something in myself? Neither answer brings comfort. I am not safe for the others, that is clear to me now.

Red Eye must be stopped. That infernal being that is now trapped beneath its skin will show no remorse. I cannot hope to face it alone, it takes more and more of us to stop it each time. But can I leave the others to face it without me? Am I just being selfish, cowering away from my own fears of what might be? And to this Island, of the Witches… I’ve my doubts about their help, just as I doubt myself. I see several paths before me, but which should be chosen. Do I risk my companions, or abandon them? Do I chase after a possibility, a hope, or the known threat?

So I shall sit here, without food, waiting for the water to bring clarity to my vision. I cannot see where these paths end yet, but I will find the one that will bring me peace.

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